Gonna Need a Bigger Mic

This one's pretty personal. It's a long spring break, so I have a lot of time to think: When you’ve been doing something for a long time, sometimes you forget why you’re doing it. I’ve been learning and studying Japanese language and culture for about 3 years…maybe four. When people ask me why, I usually deliver the typical artificial answer of it interests me. But, there’s something deeper that I can’t explain about why I’m here in this country. Despite the fact that I admire and adore the people and the language, I can’t bring myself to study it. It seems like I let everything else get in my way. I was thinking the other night before I went to sleep about what I’m going to do with my life. What is to become of me? I’m 22 years old. My new name is Jesie Patricia Fess. I don’t have any children. We don’t even have our own house yet. I’m going back to school for my 5^th year in college and I’m deep in student loan debt. My husband works in the Navy. He started working there in order to pay off his own student loans when he discovered that he didn’t enjoy what he thought he loved. Maybe that’s why we have such a tight connection, and I can’t let go of the thought of him. I’ve been thinking about him more and more every day now and about how I want to return to him. How I just want to spend time with him, doing something as simple as watching a movie or cooking dinner with him. I want to see his smiling face again. I don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have married so young. I don’t regret it. I don’t regret things. It’s just something I refuse to do. But the world is so big, and I’m so small. I want to see all of it, and I’ll never be able to do that and be with him at the same time, will I? I want the best of both worlds. I want a family life with him and I want to travel and see the world. Is it possible? I’m not sure yet.

But, back to what I was originally talking about. My dreams. I should have thought of this earlier. I was thinking the other night that I should meet and talk with a manga-ka while I’m here. I suppose I could buy books about it when I get back home, but what’s the use of that when you can ask a real person with experience? The problem? My Japanese isn’t nearly good enough for that, and I’m sure I’ll run out of time before I get the chance to do that for now. Maybe I’ll have to wait. I’ve decided something. I’ve decided that no matter what, I want to become a writer. I want to touch people so deeply that they never forget the feeling my words gave them. I’m not very good right now, but I hope to get better. I feel stagnant, though. I want to get good enough for people to want to read what I have to say, and finally someone may listen to me with all the attention that I so quietly demand.

Somehow, Vic Mignogna has brought me to this decision. This may seem disconnected, but one day, when I’m a famous author, I want to thank him in one of my novels. I know I can do it. I know I can be good enough. I didn’t even get the chance to ask him if, when he was my age, he thought he would be able to touch so many people’s lives with his work. I want to do what he does in my own way. The only way I can think of is to write. I don’t know what I’ll be writing yet, or how it will affect me, I just want people to see it and think about it. I want them to think deeply about my words. I want them to feel. This world is boring and often strange. That’s why the news is such a big deal, and why the news is so often bad. It’s interesting. It’s kind of sick, actually, if you think about it. People thrive somehow off of others' tragedies. I suppose there are cases of good news that compels people to do wonderful things. Despite how disconnected I feel from the Bible and that whole Bible culture, I know there are people who truly embrace the actual intentions of the original creators of the Bible. There are people who do good works simply because they believe good works need to be done. I like to think about that, anyway. That’s what I want to believe.

All the questions I have for Vic are the ones that will lead me to my ultimate goal. Eventually, I want to write and illustrate my own stories. It won’t be manga to some people, but the categorization is not important. It usually isn’t, despite the amount of importance human beings place on categories. How did he get to where he is today? Did he have to struggle? Was he afraid that he wouldn’t make it? Did other things get in the way? Did he ever think he would impact people the way he has? I wonder if he tells all his fans that he loves them. I’m sure he does, and I’m sure that he means it. I’m going to write. I’m going to create something that people will pay attention to and draw strength from. I’m going to do something that no one else has done before, OR, as is often the case with art, I’m going to do something that someone else has done before but do it better. That’s what I want for myself. And I’m writing this to remind myself that my ultimate goal is to write and grab readers by their deepest emotions and never let go. To make them think. Maybe I should plan out how I’m going to do all this. No matter how hard it gets, I can’t quit. That’s going to be the hard part. I know I will fail. I will probably fail more often than I succeed, but I have to remember to learn from each failure. That’s the part I have problems with. How will I fight off my apathy from my routine life? So boring. Perhaps if I remind myself a little every day what I’m doing all this for, I’ll start to perform a little better.

Since Mom died, I’ve never been the same. I’ve become weaker in some ways and stronger in others. I can handle a lot of emotional stress for extended periods of time. I can take on the problems of other people, not healthy, of course, but I’ve always been that way. But, since she died, I’ve become less diligent and less interested in my future or the world at large. My studies have taken a back seat position to my interest in wasting time…waiting for it all to be over with. What are we here for anyway? I used to say that I knew my purpose. I still think I do, but sometimes I forget. I’m supposed to gather knowledge and share it with the world as best I can. I’m going to need a more powerful microphone.

Intermission

Another batch of missed posting days. Oops! Oh, well.
Perkins and I have decided to start a 4 hour per day study regimen. I haven't been so successful with that, but it makes me feel good to know what I'm trying more. Back in December and early January I was having trouble just motivating myself to get out of bed. I'm not completely sure why I'm doing so well now, but I'm not going to question it too much. I'm just glad I'm feeling better.
Today was awesome because the weather was so nice that I bought a bento and ate it outside on the terraced grass of the International Student Center (it took me a long time to remember the English for that. Is this bad?). I just sat in my T-shirt in the sun chowing down on a croquet and rice. It was nice and warm. I also noticed how light my arms are from not getting any sun over the winter. I hadn't realized until I was staring at the sun reflecting off of them. O__o
Thursdays and Mondays are my least favorite days of the week. I don't like Monday because I've never liked Monday. The beginning of the week is such a downer. You have the entire week's work ahead of you, and if you had a crappy weekend you don't have anything to be happy about. I don't like Thursday because I have to get up earlier than usual because of kanji class at 8:40. Kanji class is kind of boring, too. I dread quiz days. I seem to be getting worse at remembering my kanji. Maybe I just don't use it enough. That's what I really miss about the Japanese program at Purdue. Everything that was taught was built on all the former lessons, so if you learned some kanji in the previous lesson the chances that you would use it in the following lessons was pretty good. That program was just so organized, and this one seems a jumble of grammar that doesn't have a good base to build on. That's mostly the reason Perkins started his 4 hour study program, and why I'm copying him.
The next time I post I'll be talking about last weekend. It should be pretty interesting because I took the Shinkansen (bullet train) to Maibashi in Gunma prefecture to go see Toshiko Ishikura. She's the mother-in-law of my friend Misuky back home. She was super nice! And she had a bunch of awesome things to show me in Maibashi, so I'll have pictures and video of that. Until then, ja!

Not Breaking Any Records

I'm not breaking any records for my consistency quite yet, but this is still a good start.
More Casey Baker, bringing more self-truths to light. When I listen to music, I feel it and I use it to think about many things: life, myself (who doesn't like thinking about themselves?), my friends, school, well, less school than other things.
It's at these times that I can feel my most intense feelings. And late at night, when I'm listening to this music I feel my most intense loneliness. Tonight I thought about my husband. I thought about how badly I miss just being able to see his face, to tell him about how I'm really feeling. I have many friends here, and I care for them deeply, but I'm the type of person who has trouble trusting other people, especially with my personal feelings. I guess I think if people don't know certain things about me, they can't use them to hurt me later. That may seem rather insecure of me, but it's how I function. I don't tell a lot of people about my true feelings. I'm sure that other people don't always tell me the truth either. Of course, it's not so much that I lie. I don't like to lie. Rather, I hold so much back that sometimes I think people don't really know or care for my opinion at all. Doesn't everyone just want someone to ask them what they really think of something? I would like it if someone asked me that. "What do you truly think of so-and-so's relationship with other so-and-so?" Do people ask you those kinds of things?
Even if someone did ask me that, I would probably evade an answer unless I was close enough with them. To me, friends are people you can trust with nearly anything. I say nearly because not everyone needs to know everything. There are some things that are better off being no one's business.
Sometimes it feels like no one is listening. Even worse, sometimes it feels like no one cares to listen. People will go about their lives around you, they will go through their daily grind without even remember that you exist. And when you try to prove your existence to them by sharing your thoughts and feelings with them, they only seem interested in themselves and their own problems, or they pretend to be interested in what you're saying while they're actually planning out the rest of their day in their head or imagining you naked.

Tip of the Day

I was thinking today about the amount of stress I've faced because of my decision to study in a foreign country. A number of my friends have decided to compile tips and tricks for new foreign students back home, I suppose this is my small contribution. If you plan on studying in Tsukuba, the following tips will be very helpful. If you don't plan on coming here, then it'll enlighten you about the kinds of things I've had to face since I've been here. Either way, you walk away with more knowledge. The format for the following is this: "Japanese characters"/ "Romanji"/ "English translation." Please feel free to contribute to and correct my Japanese.

TODAY'S TIP!!!
There are several convenience stores in Tsukuba. There's 7-11, Coco's, Family Mart, and a bunch of other small convenience stores I can't remember. These are called "Konbini," in Japanese (short for convenience market/store). It's pronounced like KONE bee nee. At a konbini, the person attending the counter will ask you a series of questions, all of which are confusing if you've just come to Japan and don't know any Japanese. Fear not! I'll go through these with you.
When you make your purchase and approach the counter, if it is a small purchase, such as a bottle of water or tea, the cashier will probably ask you,
"テープはよろしいですか。"/ "Tepu wa yoroshi desuka."/ "Is tape ok?"
What the cashier is really asking is if they can just stick a piece of tape with the store's logo on it to prove that you bought it so you can walk out with it after you pay for it or if you would like it in a bag. If the tape is ok just nod or reply with, "はい。" / "Hai"/ "Yes."
If you buy a bento (lunch box), then they'll ask you if you want it warmed up. Honestly, I don't remember how they ask this right now. If you just make a regular, small purchase (a snack, for example) they'll ask you if you want a bag. They key word here is ふくろ/ fukuro/ bag. Just listen for that.
To ask for a bag you can just say, "ふくろおねがいします" or "ふくろがほしいです。" / "fukuro onegaishimasu" or "fukuro ga hoshii desu." / "I would like a bag, please."
That's all I have time for today. I have to go to my English Discussion Seminar class. It's from 3:15 to 6:00! There's a 15 minute break in the middle there, but these long classes are the hardest, I think, because I can't concentrate for that long. Later!

Updates (Not Upgrades)

Recently, I've been listening to Casey Baker and the Buffalo Sinners. They're an interesting band. My friend recommended them to me. They remind me a little bit of Jimmy Eat World. When I listen to them I feel elation and peace, even though the songs I have by them are all sad stories.
I noticed that it's a little difficult to keep up with American Pop Culture, but much less difficult than it must've been in the past. Since I have friends at home who talk to me frequently who are interested American Pop Culture, I've been able to keep up fairly well, I think. At least, I'm not completely ignorant about it. I heard about that new Beyonce video with a transvestite in it. It seems like the music industry always does something outrageous, of course, to get attention. Nothing gets more attention than something unconventional. I guess I'm not much further behind on US Pop Culture than I was when I was in the states.
Obviously, it's been a long time since I've updated. Thus the title of this blog entry. I plan on trying to write more often. Hopefully, once a day. I've got some backup entries that I haven't posted yet that are written in my notebook. I'll get to those as soon as I can. For more interesting pictures, you can look at my albums on Facebook. Since blogger doesn't seem to like to cooperate with my posting pictures and videos, that might be a better spot to look.
More updates later. :D

ｻﾝｸｯｽｷﾞﾋﾞﾝｸﾞ!!!

THANKSGIVING!

Hey, everyone. I hope you had an awesome Thanksgiving! For Thanksgiving in Japan my friends and I all got together and made a special dinner of Okonomiyaki, mashed potatoes, and pudding cake. It wasn't turkey, but it was most delicious. Perkins was the one who came with the okonomiyaki idea. Okonomiyaki is a pancake-like food. It starts off as batter and egg, then you mix in cabbage, bacon, and whatever else you like. You cook it in a frying pan or on a griddle, then you put delicious okonomiyaki sauce, fish flakes (I can't remember what they're actually called), mayonnaise, and some seaweed flakes (I think) on top. After that, it's ready to eat. YUMMY!

Kira and I wanted to make mashed potatoes. Our friend from Germany, Caroline, helped us with them. Those turned out pretty good, too. :)

Daniel made some pudding cake, but since Japanese pudding and Japanese cake are not as sweet American pudding and cake it wasn't as good as he wanted it to be. I liked it, though.

This is the video of Perkins flipping his okonomiyaki. I missed his actual EPIC FLIP because I didn't have my camera on me at the time. :( He flipped it without the spatula at all. And Brando's flip is here, too. :D Er...it will be. I'm having trouble posting my videos...so...more later.

What's Coming Up @___@

Greetings! I'm just going to stop apologizing for my procrastination of updates and try to update whenever I can. Really. I mean it.
Anyway, I wanted to give you a preview of what is to come:
First, this post is going to contain some tidbits from my October 17th field trip to Kasama Crafthills and the Ibaraki Ceramic Art Museum. Kira and I were lucky enough to get into the class. We both really enjoyed that trip. Great fun!


Secondly, I'm going to attempt to be posting more pictures from my everyday life here. There are a lot of little interesting things that I've become accustomed to that other people would find strange and/or just new. For instance, Japanese toilets. I haven't discussed this yet, but I'll get into that later.

Thirdly, Kira and I just got back from our second field trip today. We went to the Ibaraki Historical Museum in Mito City, Izumo Taisha Shrine, and Tsumugi-no-Sato (紬の里). At Tsumugi-no-Sato we dyed handkerchiefs in indigo dye and did some weaving on the loom. I'll have a lot to say about that in another post (hopefully tomorrow or Sunday my time), but for today I'm just going to cover our trip from the 17th.


We set off around 9:30 am from Tsukuba to the ceramic art museum. Beforehand, we were, of course, asked to read through some material on ceramic arts in the Ibaraki area, and we viewed a video in our orientation lecture that had demonstrations on the use of the pottery wheel (rokuro in Japanese). I have A TON of pictures of the countryside because these places were in an even more rural area that Tsukuba. I thought Tsukuba was rural until we went on this field trip. Now, I realize that Tsukuba is not nearly as village-like as the places we visited. Anyway, I think I might put a bunch of these pictures up on my photobucket (if I can remember how to get to it ><) and I'll post the link to that here so you can access more photos.

At the Ibaraki Ceramic Art Museum we got to see a wide range of pottery, from historical and useful to current and more artistic. I wouldn't be able to do justice to the craftsmen if I tried to describe just how amazingly talented they had to have been to complete works that were so detailed and creative. The artisans weren't just good at making pottery, they were also extremely talented at painting the pottery. I think something worth mentioning is the different kinds of kilns they used to make their pottery (and still use). There's one kiln that is only used once a year. It burns for days on end. It's built like a long, upward tunnel, but I can't remember what it's called right now. I'll have to look it up for you.
We weren't allowed to take pictures, so I grabbed as many little postcards as I could. I also picked up some gifts. ^_~ Speaking of gifts, if you read my blog and you would like anything at all from Japan, please let me know. I'd be glad to find you something and send it to you. It might take a while on the sending part, but once I know what it is I can go out and buy it pretty quickly.
I think that's all I'm going to cover about the museum for now. If you'd like to know more, don't hesitate to ask. I didn't do much describing about the things I saw there, sorry. I had to write a paper about the trip, and I did a lot of description in that. I might as well just describe a little of what I saw. (ramble,ramble,ramble)
There were A TON of tea sets. Tea sets decorated with brushed landscapes, animals, simple geometrical designs, tea sets that came out of the 30's, tea sets with ships on them, gold rimmed, handmade, handpainted tea sets. I WISH I COULD'VE TAKEN PICTURES!
After we were finished at the museum, we went to Hisatou-Koubou where we got to make our own pottery using the rokuro. It was fun, frustrating, relaxing, and messy. I made four ceramics. Most of mine turned out big and bulky. I made a pot, a large cup, a bowl, and another cup. Kira made a some tiny cups and a bowl. They were really cute! So, I'm going to try to post the videos here. They're pretty self-explanitory. :D {One last thing: I'll have footage and updates on Tokyo Game Show 2008 soon, too. Please bear with me as I try to catch up!} I have more videos but my browser is being stupid and it's making me really angry, so more later.